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QUESTION: Where, if any, is there a place for healthy setting of boundaries in relationships where there seems to be a "taking advantage" of the one who is "doing the Christian thing" such as "loving deeply . . . love covering a multitude of sins"? When is "loving deeply" enabling?

One of the difficulties with a thirty minute sermon is that you can't say everything! But I hope that in the sermon on 1 Peter 4:8 that the examples of Jesus publicly rebuking Peter, correcting and confronting him, refusing to meet his expectations (as in Matthew 16, for example), that there was the basis of a balanced approach to loving others. In Jesus' willingness to confront or to say 'no' to Peter we can see that his loving Peter deeply wasn't without appropriate boundaries nor did it 'enable' Peter to continue in sinful patterns.

As a person who still struggles with sin and who doesn't always know how to love well in hard situations, I will have to confess that I continue to make mistakes as I try to love others. Sometimes I don't say 'no' appropriately and don't establish personal boundaries in the best way. On the other hand, sometimes my selfish and self-protective nature says 'no' instead of entering the struggle with someone. The same is true of confrontation. I can refuse to confront and so enable folks to continue in sin. But I can also get stuck simply criticizing and confronting folks without the tenderness and care we see in Scripture.

And, of course, the terms 'enabling' and 'boundaries,' while extremely helpful, may in some uses and works contain some ideas from psychological or sociological views that aren't compatible with faith and Scripture. So, what is a person to do? How can I sort all these things out? Part of the work of the Holy Spirit is to apply God's love to my heart and to enable and motivate me to love others. His presence and leading keeps my responses from being just mechanical and keeps me growing even beyond what I might expect in healthy human progress.

There is are a couple of good books on boundaries that are very accessible that I can recommend. I have used these with my teams and in my ministry for years:

'Changes that Heal' by Dr. Henry Cloud

'Boundaries' by Dr. Henry Cloud

I hope these things help.

Answered by Pastor Josiah Bancroft